What Kind Of People Do You Attract?

I once heard the phrase, “If you don’t love yourself, you’ll attract people who don’t love you.” It made me sit back and take a pause. —— A long one.—–   I looked deep into my memory to take notice of who is and has been in my life up until now.  I have plenty of people who love me and I love them.  But I remember having to make a mental shift about placing boundaries to what I would accept as appropriate behavior towards me and around me.

You see, I used to be a person who would do almost anything for anyone – and most of the people who knew me, understood that. So, in turn, I was drained and tired from all of the requests that I accepted.  People I didn’t know very well would also ask me to do things.  I didn’t always want to do them, and I thought that’s the way life goes around.  However, whenever, I needed something, the return wasn’t there.

I was caught in a bubble of doing for others and not having time for myself.  Have you ever been in a situation like that?

The acceptance that other people’s needs were more important than mine had become a reflection of my need for love.  I realized I had forgotten to love myself. 

When people do this, they create a shadow part of themselves.  This shadow is a rejected part, an unloved part – according to the subconscious mind. When this occurs, problems occur.  Sometimes decades later.

This is seen when people come in for various reasons including weight loss and smoking, but I also see it in people who come to me with anxiety, depression or even medical concerns.  It can especially be seen when people come in with these problems and they have a spouse who they are unhappy with.

When we consciously or unconsciously reject ourselves, we cause a wound within our subconscious mind and it festers with all of the other wounds. 

How do we remedy this?  We look back to where this started – (usually in childhood) and then allow ourselves to process the emotion that has gotten blocked (for example, eating or smoking too much will block emotions). By the way, it usually a type of fear – which includes anger.

Feeling these emotions is not bad as some of us may have been told by an adult when we were young.  Metabolizing them now doesn’t mean you have to feel them for days, weeks or months.  It can often be quite rapid. Once you allow yourself to feel the emotion that was bottled up inside, that part of you can begin to really heal. 

It’s a beautiful thing.

Shadow Workshop

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